Friday, April 22, 2011

How did we get to Perth?

We flew from Sydney to Perth with cheap tickets that we bought from Virgin Blue website at least three (3) months ahead; the difference (in price) was huge when you purchase your tickets weeks ahead.

Why was I trying to get a cheap fare?

Making the story short, Kathy wanted to go there for Christmas and the cheapest tickets we found started at $1200 per person; to which I wasn’t willing to pay it. But the story is a bit different when someone plans an event based on your schedule, cheapest fare and availability... To which if I wanted to say no, I would have become the meanest person alive.

At first I thought that cheap tickets are great season to travel! And I couldn’t understand why the bloody hell is cheaper to fly to China or Los Angeles than flying within Australia?

Cheapest air fare fight!
Virgin or Jet? Who knows?
But anyway, I think I used the correct phrase ‘I am not going to spend more than $800 for the both of us to get there!’ when Kathy and I were having the argument of spending thousands of dollars to grab a glimpse of our friends versus spending it in more important biz. Kathy felt compiled to dig into the websites to find the best deal till she got it... A $650 deal within our schedule to meet our friends and assist to the event... 


The 26th of February, we got to the airport very early (because cityrail, Sydney’s train transportation system, was track working again!), checked in and went to get some food when Kathy asked... ‘Why are you going to buy breakfast? Aren’t they supposed to give us a meal or something once in flight?

How can I describe it? 

Have you ever had the feeling when you are about to commit to something in which you are going to be squeezed out? Well, in this case, I had the feeling that my wallet was about to go through a money black hole... Everything was about to be sucked in and nothing good will come out.

His belly is jolly...
Mine... not so much.
I remembered previous experiences with airlines in the US were very nice prices were related to very small portions or just snacks like one bag of pretzels or peanuts and just one (small) glass of water or juice (very few cases)... and I had a vision of the future in which, Kathy and I were arriving to Perth starving and with headaches with those few peanuts filling up our bellies.

Even still, I wasn’t quite ready for the sinister money sucking scheme Virgin Blue was about to perpetrate on us, once we were defenceless and confined in the plane cabin at thousands of feet above the ground...

An angelical, yet robotic voice, called us to board the airplane using the malevolent phrase

‘welcome to our dear customers... the aircraft ABC123 is ready to board... Virgin Blue is delighted to have you as our customer and we can wait to give you first class services as only Virgin Blue can...’

But if you play it backwards it will say 
‘Virgin Blue is going to remove your skin very slowly while some of our assistants will try to tempt you into bankruptcy offering you sweet soft drinks, some sandwiches, maybe wine and leaving you no choice but to pay even for the air, stealing everything for you have being working for... BUHUHAHAHAHAHA.... BUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (I am having chills as I type it...)

Took Kathy’s hand as hard as I could and said “Honey... you know that I love you very much... don’t you? Remember to take your sit... close your eyes and open it when I tell you to... Don’t worry... God will protect us... I think...”

They are beautiful...
But their uniform is red as everything else in hell...
We started walking to take out seats and one of the assistants told us “Hello? How can I assist you today?” I was trying to be strong, for Kathy.... for us... and I said “nothing, thanks...” and as we walked by I think I felt the forked tongue moving close to my left ear while she said... “Ok sir, have a nice flight”... But I know she really wanted to say 
“damnation is waiting for all of you... there will be no escape... BUHUHAHAHAHA!!”
The plane started moving, the speed was incrementing rapidly and some people started noticing winged angels flying outside the aircraft; they were crying... crying for us... there was nothing else god could do for us... we were doomed. We were totally defenceless in their absolute and sinister power and it was at that precise moment when the horror took control of our lives...

“Are you thirsty or want a bite? Well... keep those credit cards ready because in few minutes we are serving with the trolley cold beverages, snacks, great sandwiches and delicious dishes”
And I thought 
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not ready for $5.50 a bottle of water... NO GOD... WHY??? WHY GOD WHY!? Are we worth it of your mercy???”
While one of the assistants was walking around saying to one of our fellow martyr neighbours:
“Yes sir... a sandwich is $9.90...
No, is not a subway sandwich and it doesn’t include a bottle of water... If you want something to drink it will be $3.50 extra for soft drinks or $3 for the water... $15 if you want a cheese and crackers with a bottle of wine... a 50ml bottle of wine... sir...
... Don’t be silly, sir... we don’t serve tap water...”
But something worst was about to happen when the entertainment system displayed
“The entertainment system is a premium package not included in economy class... if you want to enjoy our outstanding program and TV shows or watch first class movies you will have to pay just $9.99!*

*The entertainment system might be turned off at any time (especially at the most exciting part of it) and it will last 3 hours... at the end of which you will be forced to pay again to keep watching.... Muhuhaha!

All of the sudden came to my mind the scene acted by my mate Frank saying...

“We provide really low prices!!! By the way, if you want your seat belt... you will have to pay $15
In case of decompression, oxygen masks will be deployed... if you payed $20 extra. The oxygen will flow naturally after your credit card payment has been processed.
In case of landing in the sea, remember to pay an extra fee to open the emergency door.
Your money safety is important to us.”

As the flight went on... more and more people fell on the temptation... Kathy was shocked and horrified because of the bloodshed... it was like watching Quentin Tarantino’s latest release
“Slaughter plane...
You do not know what’s waiting for you up in the sky... your wallet won’t be the same“

All of the sudden the time seems to be stopped... People was watching the monitors with a look “it can’t be!!!!” and we started hearing our captain

“Ladies and Gentlemen... Sorry to interrupt your entertainment system. We are getting closer to Perth city, the weather is a lovely 34 degrees outside... probably more at the time we land... I would like to thank you all for being a terrific cabin crew and in the name of... John, Mary, Shawn, Eddie, Michael....” (People were starting to get mental because they were cut off at the best or more intense part of their movies, shows or whatever they were watching...) “... Mary... yes, Mary again... Paul and the chef... of whom I don’t remember his name but it doesn’t matter... Did I tell you guys the weather outside is very warm??? Well... now we are getting even closer to the airport...” (And the guy kept talking for 15 more minutes...) “... anyway... cabin crew get ready for landing... entertainment system will be suspended now.”

Worthless to say... some... couldn’t watch the end of... “How I meet your mother” marathon... Some stood there... waiting to get the final results of Parramatta’s game... did they win? Did they lose? They will never know...
Maccas... I'm not loving it.

Some stood there... waiting as someone who paid to go to the cinemas, watched the trailers and watched 90% of the movie and at that moment the power went off...

The plane landed and taxed to the port... where people, was still in shock, trying to watch anything in the screens of Perth airport.

As for us, we found our friends... and they carried us to the glory of the next Maccas (McDonalds in Aussie slang).

In conclusion

If you are going to fly in economy class with Virgin Blue get the stuff you are going to eat with you... They are going to try squeezing the money out of you in every single possible way. And try to get your own entertainment system to keep you busy as long as for the flight.

Or just try to use a different airline, which is more concern about their customers instead of how much money they can suck at once.

PS: I did not take pictures of Virgin Blue air plane or the airport. So please, forgive me the lack of my pictures... I know that I said I wanted to publish just my pictures... but sometimes is just not possible =P


Snap said...

They're called budget airlines for a very good reason ;) Have you ever flown with Air Asia? After our first flight with them, we figured out why they turn the air conditioning so try and sell their comfort packs, which include a blanket! Now we just take a warm coat. It is good to have the money you saved, so you can spend it when you reach your destination though. I've never been to Perth, it's so far from Brisbane and it IS cheaper to fly out of Australia like you say...and like we've done.

Rod said...

I could not help myself but to laugh with your story...

I don't know how is it in the US right now... but budget airlines were a bit less greedy 5 years ago... Thanks for your tip :P If I want to fly with them I will carry around a good blanket :P

priscila ponton said...

Esta historia me hizo reir a carcajadas! hahaha gracias! Saludos desde Vzla :P

Rod said...

Hola Priscila,

Me encanta hayas podido encontrar gracioso el post.

Poco a poco voy escribiendo un poco mas sobre mis experiencias de Perth.

Ray said...

Hi Rod

I think that Tiger Airways is even worse. I flew Tiger to Melbourne from Perth, the outbound flight was delayed for more than 4 hours and I was checking in for the inbound flight at the Melbourne terminal (A crappy building used exclusively by Tiger) and was charged 50 dollars because my carry-on weighed 8 kg instead of 7.
I'd rather spend some more bucks and fly Qantas.
It should be interesting how the new Virgin Australia brand is like. Honestly Australia needs a good competitor that replaces the former Ansett airlines.

Rod said...

Highly probable is going to be the same treatment, behaviour and scheme...