Thursday, August 16, 2012

Warning! I might be using profanities a tad. You have been warned.

This post was going to be a series of post (seven posts to be precise) where I was going to be describing a number of different events happening in my life on these last four/five-ish months.

But after careful and detailed reading I noticed I was providing a story telling that I could be selling later on to CBS for a series of the episodes of How I Met Your Mother.

For those of you who don’t know anything about the TV series I have the following phrase:

Samuel L Jackson tone of voice: You piece of shit, what the fuck do you motherfucking think you doin? Get the fuck out of here and watch how I bang many bitches ‘til I got stuck with your mom! Then get you sorry ass here motherfucka!

Get the fuck out of here!
Without Samuel’s tone of voice: “Please, watch the How I Met Your Mother then come back”.

In any case, I don’t have more than eight (or more) years to tell you about how I met Kathy before things went to hell and we decided to split up... so she is not your mother... and is not auntie Robin...

Spoiler alerts! Oops... too late!

I know! I know... By now your eyes are going back to the same paragraph above to detect the joke or the misspelled word that changes the interpretation of the content...
No... I am not joking...

Stop going back to the same paragraph, damn it! Is not going to magically change to say “Foool you!” Notice how the title of the blog, the author and everything else changed!

It is true, Kathy and I have decided to hit separated roads and keep moving forward just not together.

How did this happen?

Shit happens.

Is only takes a moment to understand when things aren’t going as you expected and another to open up your mouth and say the words.

But before those two moments there a huge number of difficulties, troubles, and fights nobody has to know! Still all these factors contributed to get to the point where you don’t love as you used to and there is no turn back.

In our case, we grew apart, love stopped flowing and there was nothing else keeping us together.

What does it mean?

It means that eventually I am going to explain how to get a divorce in Australia.

It means that I have some good advices (even though I have shared tons of my wisdom related to this topic) and observations that could apply to anyone; not just those planning to move to Australia.

But my dreams are mostly unchanged.
I will still have a beautiful family that I am going to make extremely happy one day, providing plenty of love and I will still live down under, where the women glow and the men chunder! Just that those dreams aren’t with Kathy anymore.

Why am I telling part of my story?

When you move to a new environment there is always the risk things don’t go the way you planned. But more importantly, many people think they are on this on their own... And that is not true at all.
I was lucky I got enough support (because of my depression and my separation) to get things going to feel better, calmer and hopeful about the future. Otherwise I would have got stuck for quite a while without being able to understand in totality next couple of steps to get on top of this situation.

I overheard at some point the number of divorces from families coming from overseas is close to 50% after many years.

The reason?
Yourself and your partner will have each other to deal with situations, problems and find comfort in general... but after a while those little things you used to find annoying about your partner start being more notorious, irritating and possibly unbearable.

Now... can you imagine if you already had issues with your partner and decide to jump the pond? There will be only two different outputs; you will get closer or not, hence 50%.

So... if you are going through a similar situation and need to talk about it, I am here to try to help you out as somebody helped me. My comments are moderated at the moment so if you want to publish your comment and not make it public just let me know and I will keep it to myself, leave your email to reply to you though.

Words of advice

I have said before, if you have problems with your family: be aware you could be stepping into the final stage of the decline of your marriage (it doesn’t matter if you are newlywed). Moving to a different country, different culture often implies more stress that has to be dealt somehow; otherwise you will be extremely unhappy.

In my case, I applied pressure on Kathy to commit to this decision (move to Australia) which thankfully none of us regret it. I was decided from the start to migrate with or without her... and eventually she excluded herself from this recipe. I will continue my process by myself and she will continue by her own means. The moral is: are you ready to take this kind of decision knowing the risk?

Finally (but not least), I don’t regret my time with Kathy (even though I have to recognise at the end I was extremely miserable) as she provided me the support I needed to fight for the future I always wanted but didn’t know if I was strong enough to achieve it.

Also I have got a clear panorama of the things I want to get in life. I want a beautiful girl that sees me for what I am, likes it and is willing to share herself, her love and her thoughts with me as willing to grow with me in every possible way, provide me feedback to be better for her, for me, for our family. I want her to show me what's the real thing of being utterly in love. I want to make this girl as happy as I can, to love her to the fullest.

My singing is terrible... but I will tune this song everyday just for her.

So... ladies... that means I am open for business and the higher bidder will take it all and all I’ve got to offer. I am not going to make a ‘As Seen On TV’ sort of joke as that stuff tends to break after a little while and I am built to endure whatever you want ;)

Cheers and until the next post.
Over and OUT!


TheMax79 said...

Sorry to hear about you and Kathy. I know the stress it involves to migrate with your partner. Val and I took the decision to go to Australia, because it gave us the best option to be together, since I did not want to stay any more in a country where my feature was not under my control. I was about to apply for an overseas job, which would have certainly ended our relation. However, we decided to go together in this journey.

I know it is hard, we have been at mexico for almost a year together. My job implies many travelling, which has made this even tougher. Still, the hope is once in Australia we can finally settle down.

If things do not work from there, I believe we gave our all for things to work. It is a risk, but worth taking.

We will be arriving to Sydney in mid September, hope to get in touch with. I am sure your experience was tough, but so it is to change your country, lifestyle, friends.

Best wishes man


Reygt said...

Rod, I sincerely congratulate you for being that honest and open with us.

Sadly, sometimes we have to make hard and difficult decisions, but we have to do it in order to grow up as better human beings.

I wish that you find that special person that you deserve.

Kind regards.

Rod said...

Hi TheMax79, thank you for your words. Shoot me a tweet once you are here and we will arrange something.

Rey, completely right my friend. Sometimes we need to do difficult decisions in order to move forward, even though you can't really understand how.

But that's one of the beauties of the world, isn't? Not knowing what the future holds.

El Lado B Del Planeta (Monólogos Bipolares) said...

GO ROD!!!! now that you made that difficult decision, you have a big life to live and I'm pretty sure that special girl is waiting as you are for that perfect encounter!" :D go for it, "eat the world"!!

treaz said...

Hi Rod,

Just wanted to tell you that I appreciate you for your decision to get separated. It must have been hell, but at least it's better to be there for a while than miserable for a lifetime.
I can see that you're optimistic about finding someone else to share your life with and I'm sure that eventually you'll do great, however I hope you still remember that it's usually hard to find that "someone". Keep that in mind and keep on rolling till you find her :)

Cheers mate,

Rod said...

@adri, I am on it!

@horia, I am a dreamer, a fighter a very determined person. I am pretty sure there is someone that I will find to love, to make extremely happy just as much as she is going to make me happy. I have no doubt what so ever.
It may take some time (I am aware of that) but I won't be worried about not finding that someone special because (and I am going to quote someone here:

"Some see a door closed and turn away.

Some other people see a closed door, try the knob and if it doesn't open, they turn away.

Few people see a closed door, try the knob, if closed then they try to find a key and if it doesn't fit, they turn away.

Very few and rare people see a closed door, try to find the knob, if it doesn't open they try to find a key. If no key fits then they make one.

I am a key maker, it will happen.

Gabriela said...

OMG. I hadn't seen this, but you don't know how happy it makes me!!!! I mean, not for you getting a divorce but for you accepting reality and the fact that it's not going to happen. I'm pretty sure you're gonna find someone who loves you and you are going to have that family of your dreams sooner than later. I love you and Katy and I just hope the best for both of you even if you're not longer walking in the same direction. Kisses from Nicole.

Rod said...

Gaby... the very first phrase made me raise my eyebrow to mid forehead. Hahaha, is a good thing you actually specified your intention though :P

I had accepted reality a long time ago and I knew it wasn't going to happen after just a couple of weeks... my mean issue with dealing with depression during those times.

I look backwards and (now) all I can see is good things. I'm happier now, stronger and definitely at ease with myself.

In any case ^.^ Thanks for your support and friendship and we will keep it coming :D